Hello, well this is the hardest part for me getting my words down in some sort of coherent order with out excessive ramble or drifting onto another topic .
you see I'm dyslexic and ADHD I don't share this fact with a lot of people. So please excuse the spelling, gramatical errors and lack of honorifics.
One of the questions I am asked the most is how did you become a Domme ?, was there a defining moment or incident? was it your upbringing? Or where you born hard wired as Domme?
Well I can't answer that in total. It is a fact that have spent may hours pondering pulling apart my life looking for answers wondering, if this or that was different, would I have turned out different..But I don't think so, I think all the contributing factors of life are responsible for my outcome.
I was born to middle class parents who married via shotgun intervention raised in small(ish) town . A town now know for its seedy under side, drugs and high unemployment (due to the local closure of industry, and high influx of single mother, maintained by cheap housing) and off course not to be forgotten the mysterious murder off a 18 month old toddler, the town isn't all bad it does have its pockets of middle to affluent residents ..Who remember to mow their lawns (& don't find a car when they do ) who still respect there neighbors and township. My family where the lucky one's, we lived on the right side of the tracks and our prosperity wasn't controlled by local industry. As a child I was given all I wanted but yet still craved and yearned for want I desired, love and attention, My Mother is a very visual person and looks mean everything to her(ex model), our house was a show home and looked and appeared to every one to be the perfect home, all my needs were meet, the private religious all girls schooling, grooming and deportment and modeling lessons, ballet, the all important fashionable requirements my Mother needed for me to fit the mould of her perfect life, I think you know the story..Raised to be seen, but not heard. It wasn't long before I discovered the way to get attention..At 13 I found the male species its around about that time that my life becomes a degrading slide, the sleazy other side of town held new appeal it was alive..It had color which hurt the eyes, it wasn't beige..I felt alive for the first time the grass was greener on the bad side of town(and so were the bad boys).. I unearthed my need for adrenaline. Being tall, well educated and groomed to be able to fit in any where (thanks for that bit mum) . I soon found my niche with the bar crowds and bikers at 14 I lost my virginity to a Dom (and biker) and served him and his crew. At the tender age of 15 I was raped by a vanilla man not knowing how to deal to deal with my feelings or emotions I ran from them, from my parents, from my small world, I ran to a place a I could hide, the city, where I was homeless for a few months and did what I had to do to survive.
In the city, where my life was a shell of what it should/could, of been. I was found by a transgendered man I liked to call Jackie. He took me into his home and introduced to his world and his friends who where a mixture off prodommes, tops, bottoms and switchers it wasn't long before I yearned once more to be apart of the world that made me feel alive. I started work as a trainee proDomme I still continued to see my Dom/Master and lived a life floating, from one scene to another .All I am I owe to Jackie and my Master they picked me up, dusted me off and restored my dignity, they saved my life, and had a profound affect on me they taught me it was OK to be different and my desires where nothing to shoved under a rug and hidden ..They (my fetishes)are who and what I am they are an integral part of me... After two years I reconnected with my past friends and family and once again returned to my small home town settled back in with family and once again tried to fit into the mould that my mother had made, even to extent of finding a vanilla boyfriend to hide the truth. During this time my relationship with my Master soured as he noticed my increasing need for correction , he noticed my Domme side, ever more increasing and gaining in strength and my relentless toping from the bottom, he released me, and shattered my perfect world into tiny shards of broken dreams. I yet again turned to my rock and confidant Jackie, Who once again repaired the damage and re confirmed my lifestyle choices were OK.
I then found my life coming together although it still had cracks, it was good life, I traveled Europe and Australia, for a few years living and working many varied and interesting jobs, I tasted all that life had to offer me, I lived every day like it was the last.
it was colorful, it had meaning. But as with all things color fades and looses its luster. My partner/sub had a complete mental breakdown and I was pregnant with his child. Life as knew it once again soon became a train wreck and a twisted mess emerged I once again returned to my place of origin, to the home town that held no promise..Held no future...And my family and friends..But yet it offered Sol lice from flying debris that was my life and now ex partner. It was here in this scared little town I loathed I encountered my greatest challenge combining Motherhood (and doing it right) with my Domme side. I settled down with my best friend now my lover/sub/father to now three children(boys) and all the pieces of me finally came together..I was whole for the first time in my life and even after 9 years I still have that same contentment and commitment to my lifestyle choices I have distanced myself from my mother (dad died 4 years ago) and my life couldn't happier.
Sorry if I have babbled on but I think for you to know where I'm going, you have to know where I have been..I think I have always been a sexually Dominant person I just didn't know how to except or handle it..Even as a small child the images of wonder woman with her (yummy) truth lasso tying her hapless victim, taming then into submission enticed me, not to mention the images of Eartha Kit in her tight cat suit (batman) I look back now at those images and laugh but I guess to a nine year old they where pretty potent stuff LOL.to any one else that has issues of conflict regard your life choices hang in there..there is a light at the end of the tunnel and dreams and balance are obtainable.